It may be dark, but the car still looks pretty fine. The shape is classic, and the car presides over the garage with authority. Despite it being nearly 18 years old, the car still has an air of exclusivity and dare I say it, expense.

Still, I ignore that and get inside to have a look around. It feels a bit unloved: interior lights don’t work, there’s a gaping wiry mess where the stereo should be, and it smells a bit. Still, the steering wheel, pedals and seats look pretty fly for a car in its late teens, and the trip computer has its buttons marked in German which I feel lends the car a great air of authenticity!

Chris offers to try to start it for a drive, but I explain that I would like to have a much better look around the bodywork with a torch and a friend on the phone. Chris agrees, and I call Ian. I’m on the phone to Ian for a long time, during which I get my work clothes properly filthy wriggling around on the floor inspecting the underside of the car. There are a few minor bits of rust – I’d expect double the asking price if there weren’t – but nothing major, although I can’t see properly under the side skirts, so I bet there’s some there.

We connect up the jump leads and after a few seconds of cranking, the car fires to life. Chris explains that while he’s had the car since the summer it has been declared SORN for most of the time. Chris turns out to be quite interesting: he has owned a GT40 replica and a Megabusa Caterham, and considers the E30 M3 to be a relatively sensible car. The 06 plate Vectra that’s on the driveway explains the M3’s lack of use.

So is this a good deal? The car has done about 90,000 miles. It hasn’t been serviced for two years, but then again it’s only done about 7,000 miles in that time. I inspect the receipts – a major engine rebuild including a piston about 3 years ago: £3,500!! Glad that’s been and gone…

Chris is about to take me for a drive, when we realise the passenger door won’t open. Equally, the driver’s seat won’t fold forwards. This car is unloved. Still, he never claimed that everything worked. I clamber across the control set and off we go. The important features such as engine, gears, lights, heating and wipers work, although I note the wipers make a bit of a mess of the screen. I check the electric windows, sunroof and my heated seat – they all work. Good. I do however note a quiet rumble from the back – no doubt a bearing of some sort.

Chris stops and we swap over (an ungraceful process without the ability to open the passenger door). I guide it back carefully taking in the left hand drive position and the dogleg gearbox. All seems fine. I’m pleased with the amount of low down torque available; it’s not great by any means, but it’s better than I was expecting.

Upon our return I inspect all the paperwork. The service history isn’t brilliant especially as the car lived in Germany until 2000, but the most important things are that engine rebuild and the MOT certificate. I ask if he’s had any interest. He says I was one of four people to call today (he would say that) but he chose to call me back first as I sounded the safest bet. He didn’t have to say that. I pressed further, suggesting that his other voicemails were along the lines of ‘Oi maaate sell us yer car innit’. He laughs and nods.

I stare at the car for a long time. I’ve got a mental list of issues: bearing, stereo, central locking, driver’s seat folding mechanism, rust around the number plate lights. Nothing major. I wouldn’t pay any more than the asking price for it though, especially with the issues I’ve found and the likelihood of more issues with such an old car.

Disasters aside, this car would be cheaper to run and insure than an E36 M3. Ian has offered to come and see it, but I know that so competitively priced, this car is likely to sell if I don’t move fast. The words “you only live once” rattle through my head, closely followed by “and you might die in that”. I smile to myself, and play the game.

…

Holy shit, I’ve just spent all my savings on an old knacker. Mustn’t dwell on it, so I carry on, we agree a £50 deposit, and that we’ll go together to Natwest Winchester on Saturday and obtain a banker’s draft for the balance. He even agreed to give me the MOT and V5 so I could sort out car tax which was good.

I fire up the 330d and head for home. It feels so different, and given how tired I am at this point, it’s a dream of a drive after the noise and effort of driving the M3. I hope I won’t regret this…