As mentioned in my last report, I’ve spent most of the last month in India. I think I have now seen it all! Hilarious road antics aside though, the biggest shock was the stifling pollution in major cities. We petrol-heads may well feel aggrieved at the power-sapping properties of the catalytic converter, but I’d certainly take a few horsepower less to be able to breathe – it really does get that bad over there.

And that brings me back quite nicely to my smoky diesel car! Interestingly, I’ve not noticed much smoke of late, so maybe I was just being paranoid – we’ll see.

There’s not much of note to report this month. I’ve not spent a penny on the car, and only run just over a tank of diesel through it since I last typed a report, but I have had a few thoughts on the ownership experience that I’d like to share. In terms of running costs, this is (so far, touch wood!) the cheapest car I’ve ever had. It doesn’t ask for frequent or expensive parts, it sips fuel, and it’s sufficiently new that when I do have to work on it I can do it myself without battling rust or seized parts. However, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, so it has of course depreciated faster than anything I’ve ever owned, especially thanks to the E91 effect.

But worse than that, at long last, the lack of “M” ethos is starting to nag at me. Image means very little to me – it’ not the M badge I miss, but the driving dynamics of a car that’s designed to be a real performer. The 330d is in real world terms extremely rapid, but on the rare occasions where I find myself able to make good progress, I’m asking for 100% for substantial periods at a time, so it actually gets to the point where I feel sorry for the car, and I know it’s my limiting factor.

It’s a great car, but is it good enough? My wallet thinks so. My head thinks so too: just how often could I actually use a better machine? But my heart knows that as a motoring enthusiast, it is perhaps just too much of a compromise. I miss my E36 M3s – notably I miss their more communicative ride albeit at the expensive of a bit of grip, and most of all I really, really miss having an LSD.

A brief aside – despite Bob labelling it an “SE” in the title box of last month’s report the 330d is in fact a “Sport”. In the good ol’ days of the E30, and even the early E36, “Sport” meant your BMW was more than likely to have an LSD. I remain staunchly opposed to the opinion that DSC is in any way an acceptable replacement, or even an excuse for not fitting an LSD to a “sport” car. I can however see that the market dictates that it’s not necessary…

Even so, it is necessary for me to have one, because I’m not ready to drive a dull drab automatic saloon just yet. A year or so ago I was tearing sideways around various UK circuits and moaning about the performance of the M3 brakes on the Nürburgring; only a year later I’m very excited about my economy and was simply beside myself when I managed to get TMC working so I was told about a road closure in advance. What the hell has happened to me?!

The 330d must be here to stay though. I could not stomach the depreciation involved with moving it on so soon, and more importantly, it’s far too useful and capable a car to wave goodbye to. So I’m going to see what I can scrape together and look for a toy. It’s entirely likely that I’ll talk myself out of it before I can afford one, but looking for cars is good fun, and the idea of an E34 M5 to make Bob jealous, or an M3 saloon as a track-tool does appeal right now.

Now back down to earth and normality. Have I told you how many riveting litres of boot space the 330d has…?

Total Mileage: 93,748
Mileage since last report: 623
Cost this month: £nil
MPG this month: 39